


Make You Feel

by TracedViolet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drinking to Cope, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 21:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21167855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TracedViolet/pseuds/TracedViolet
Summary: Eridan and Karkat have a heart to heart after years of not talking. Humanstuck AU. Oneshot.





	Make You Feel

Karkat glowered at his screen. It had been 2 years already, he knew, but still every time he saw that name pop up it was a little reminder of the 5 years prior to the last two. 5 years of hellish torment. He thought he'd left it all behind, but somehow it always found its way back. Regret. He'd abandoned everything and everyone he'd known in hopes to break away, but really, he knew you can't run away from your problems. He stared at the rest of the list of people he used to talk to. He closed his eyes and sighed, slouching back into his oversized chair. Come on, you chose this. Don't do it. He reminded himself, yet still, he stared at the screen and frowned, reminiscent of the few good things that had happened, trying to force out the usual bad flashbacks. Palming a glass in one hand he glanced over to the substance and frowned more. Right back where you started. Good job.

Eridan spinned around in his computer chair. How many people had he tried to talk to today? And every one of them had shut him down. Annoying. Always whining and complaining. No wonder Nobody liked him but the need to spill his guts out to /somebody/ persisted. Perhaps it was time to think outside the box despite how much he didn't want to verbally vomit on someone who didn't really know what they were getting into by being friends with him. Especially if even his "friends" couldn't stand him for long periods of time. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "What the fuck ever happened to Kar?" He said to himself. Eridan opened his chat client backup and scrolled down the list till he found who he was looking for. Hmm. How to start this friendship back up without it being awkward. "Hey Kar, been a while. whats up?" That was lame and in no way foreshadowed his actual reason for bothering him. A twinge of guilt hovered for a second but disappeared before it was consciously acknowledged because hey, gotta look out for yourself first right? .....right?

There was a flash from the computer screen that jerked the cancer's attention away from the liquid toxin he was so thoughtfully fondling. Albeit destructively thoughtful. That aside, his attention was redirected. He squinted and leaned closer to the screen. Someone had messaged him? What the Fuck? A part of him was ecstatic, he didn't even care who it was. He set down the glass as he read then name. Oh... this asshole, he groaned. Well, beggars can't be choosers. He started a while longer before replying. "... HEY..." It could be worse, he figured. Eridan may have been a whiny prick, but at least he wasn't a complete ass. They had always mutually listened to each others problems. Suddenly realizing this wasn't a standard reply, Karkat tried to cover up the friendly greeting, perhaps a bit too late for the out of character gesture to go unnoticed, but he tried anyway. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

Hmm was Kar ok? Either he was havin a bad day or he had mellowed out in the past year or two. (Damn had it been that long?) The way it was phrased, Eridan guessed it was the former and responded accordingly. "Just wanted somebody to talk to. You doin ok?" Real nice there. Pretend you concerned for him and when he's done bitching about his life throw yours out there and pretend you're just sharing his pain. Alright, so he wasn't that much of an asshole. He truly did care for his friend, in fact he actually felt pretty sad realizing how long they'd gone without talking but all the years of being told how dickish he was had actually starting to wear that flimsy little wall he called "confidence" down. He couldn't help if these intrusive self deprecating thoughts kept bubbling up and he was starting to trust everyone else's comments more than his own feelings. There were maybe 2 people on the whole planet who actually knew he wasn't as narcissistic as he pretended to be and honestly felt just as much a pile a shit as everyone thought he was. one of them was Feferi the other was Karkat. Maybe Kar still remembered all the talks they use to have at 2am way back when. Maybe Kar remembered their relationship just as well as the aquarius did and would interpret his messages for what they were and not get offended at every other word. Maybe this conversation wouldn't be a complete bust.

Karkats hands twitched at the keyboard. He'd silently wanted someone to ask that question for so long. At the same time, that length of time had made him more sour. All this time and no one had even bothered. Why now? He let out the breath of air he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I'M FINE DIPSHIT. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" He sighed loudly, he wasn't about to give his real feelings up. Not yet. Besides, it didn't really matter. Himself nor his issues were worth anyone caring about. Something which someone had so kindly pointed out 2 years ago. The angry frown was replaced with a melancholic one. She had only been proven right. It was now just a fact he'd come to accept. "WHAT'S WRONG ERIDAN?" He gave in to that. It was comfortable. Eridan had always confided in him before. Karkat may as well listen. At least it's some sort of conversation, even if his former friend just wanted to complain. The cancer should be grateful anyone spoke to him at all. He knew it and so did everyone else.

“Just a question. Jeez excuse me for bein concerned.” well that wasn't a good start. Eridan surely wasn't helping his own case acting like a shitwad. “You disappeared Kar. nobody really knew where you went but I was thinkin about stuff and I figured this would be a good place to try to rekindle this friendship fire.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. "OK DICKBAG, I DID NOT DISAPPEAR. IT'S NOT LIKE NO ONE HAD MY PHONE NUMBER, OR YOU KNOW, THIS MAGICAL CONTRAPTION WE ARE CURRENTLY USING CALLED A FUCKING COMPUTER." He was admittedly bitter that no one seemed to even notice he was gone. Growling at himself he rubbed one hand down his face as he absentmindedly refilled his glass. Ok, so maybe he could have reached out too, maybe. Here he was finally having someone to talk to and he instantly turned into an asshole. Way to go. The same piece of him that hated that part of himself also hated how he was slowly drowning his sorrows. The liquor glass found it's way instinctively back to his mouth. Perhaps he was punishing himself on some level. He swallowed and signed. "OK LOOK, CAN WE JUST PRETEND FOR ONE BLEEDING MOMENT THAT YOU AREN'T DESPERATELY FLAILING AROUND LIKE SOME SORT OF PANDERING FISH STUCK ON THE HOOK LINE OF IT'S LONG LOST LOVER? DARE I SAY IT, FOR FEAR OF INFLATING YOUR SURELY ALREADY BLOATED EGO, BUT NEITHER OF US ARE IDIOTS." He did genuinely care. Karkat found himself unsurprised by it being Eridan, if anyone at all, who finally contacted him. His sluggish mind finally caught up to making an educated guess. "IS SOMEONE GIVING YOU A HARD TIME?" Even after all these years, the cancer found himself still fiercely protective of his once were friends.

Eridan frowned. "CA: first of all, /I/ didn't have your number. Second, the way you stormed out we were kind of afraid to ask. Everyone decided to let you cool off for a while and thirdly," the aquarius sent that message as his brain thought of a third thing to make a point of. It was the kind of suspense building, dramatic manner of speaking that was somehow just a part of his personality. "its a lot a someones......." His frown deepened as he tried to think of a way to phrase his feelings. It was always hard to explain why things bothered him especially when phrasing was so important to him. some words just didn't do his troubles justice. There was a poetry that was missing and he sure did get caught up in trying to capture it a lot. Eridan sighed and went to get a soda from the fridge. It wasn't what he wanted but he was constantly trying to break this awful habit of never being satisfied with anything. He could muse on this thought but it was better suited to think about while talking to kar.

His mildly intoxicated brain was prodded. CG: "WELL FUCK" His subconscious dictated his body, once again he polished off the glass again and slouched forward onto his desk. He knew there wasn't much he could do from behind a screen. If only they weren't so far away. What a useless pile of shit he'd become. A sad sigh escaped his mouth, all he could do was listen. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" He repeated. The glass now empty, his hand fumbled around in the dark for the bottle. Fuck a glass. Impatiently he waited for a reply, tap tap tapping his one ringed finger against the bottle. He felt the need to do something, but the drive had long left him. The fire he'd once had was diminished to a small burning ember. The remnants of his old ways begged him to fight, but he just didn't have the energy. While he waited for Eridan to return his mind wandered over his life more. Subconsciously slowly sipping away at the mind numbing liquid that was quickly becoming a habitual thing. "ERIDAN?" Fuck, since when did you start using first names? Meh, whatever. Where the fuck did this asshole go?

CA: where the fuck did you even go anyway?" there was mild hostility in it. Eridan wasn't sure why he'd suddenly gotten angry and defensive. Was he suddenly not sure if he even wanted to say anything? was that something that could happen to him? Typing wasn't gonna be fast enough. His brain was always 3,000 miles ahead of him. If only karkat was around here he could just talk to him in person.

He put down the bottle and glared at the screen stupidly. "WHERE DID I GO? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO? I'VE BEEN RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR A FUCKING ANSWER ASSHOLE." The question completely missed the mark. He continued making stupid faces at the screen as though his old friend could seem him making them. What sort of question was that? Eridan was the one that just up and disappeared. Wait... woah, ok. "ER, UH, I MEAN..... YOU MEAN WHEN I LEFT CHICAGO?" He paused again. Debating on whether to answer the question or not. It was getting off topic. He still wanted to know what was up with what he would guess was his only friend.

Karkat fiddled with the bottle a bit again, still fighting the urge to answer Eridan’s earlier question. His inhibitions muted by his increasingly intoxicated state. "HERE AND THERE." He dodged the question for now, but still offered up some sort of explanation, which was probably more than sober Karkat would have done, but he wasn't here right now. The pauses and answers continued. "LOTS OF PLACES ACTUALLY" His mind wandered again over the last two years and he winced to himself. There really had been a lot of places and a lot of starting over. The need to forget all that driving his sobriety further and further away more and more often. "BECAUSE OF REASONS" Obviously he wanted to say something, but was still too sober and consciously ashamed of it all. Worthless, useless, unlovable piece of shit. Why would Eridan, you mean Ampora, want to talk randomly anyway? Oh, right, the assholes that are giving him shit. "Why are people giving you shit again?" Quirk forgotten, ah fuck. Whatever, who cares.

Eridan groaned and ran his hands through his hair "Reasons........ I don't know...... It's just a whole lot to type...... Wish I had your phone number so I could call you.... or you lived in jersey...... It would make this a whole hell of a lot easier... "

"..." Of all places. The cancer rubbed his eyes and reread it. Either he was drunker than he thought he was or maybe fate had finally gone in his favor. "I AM in Jersey...." He actually found himself wanting the company. Holy shit, finally someone to come over, if only to join in his misery. Something was better than nothing. He hiccupped. Well, that's a thing. "I'm really not up for driving anywhere right now." Fuck how the hell would he explain this state? Yet for some reason, he didn't shut the aquarius down.

"CA: are you serious right noww? Wwhere are you?? I swwear to god I'll fuckin drivve." 

"Uhhhhhh....." karkat sat up and looked between the bottle and the screen a few times before answering. "Newark, northside" Shit. Fuck. He looked around his apartment. Why had he said that? This place was a complete disaster! But company, he mused. They always used to have such good conversations.

And that was all it took. An exchange of address and 45 minutes later Eridan was outside Karkats apartment."Jesus it's f-fuckin cold." Eridan stuttered as he sunk lower in his scarf trying to shield his face from the freezing rain. Horrible driving conditions honestly, but seeing Kar after so long was enough incentive to make him drive through a tornado. Alright maybe not that. He knocked on the door a few more times . "C'mon kar. W-what are you even doin in there?"

A loud thud and a “FUCK!” could be heard through the door followed by some muffled cursing and scraping against the door knob. The short drive didn't allow much time for pick up, but the progression of alcohol had done it's job. Karkat didn't even care about the mess anymore. The door creaked open, all the way open. There was an obvious lack of thought that it may be some sort of danger. The cancer stood there for a moment eyeing up his long lost friend in scrutiny. "So.... small world." His brash visade almost abandoned. The house behind him was littered with random dishes and papers, and a few trash bags. Karkat had done his best to at least hide all the empty liquor bottles. As long as Ampora didn't try to take out his trash, there's no reason he should find them. Enough time wasting, he stepped to the side and offered the fishboy entrance. Looking back into his house again, yikes. "Sorry for the mess........"

Eridan couldn't help but chuckle at karkat all flustered up and clumsy, it was sort of endearing . "Kar, your fuckin wasted." He walked inside, not minding the mess at all. If karkat knew what /his/ apartment looked like he wouldn't be apologizing for anything. "Nice set up." The aquarius took his coat off and threw it along with his keys onto the arm of the couch before plopping down himself.

Good job hiding that asshole. "What? No...." He tried in vain to deny it. "It does the job I guess...." He awkwardly followed Eridan over to the couch. It'd been so long since he'd actually had someone over, karkat hadn't even realized that he'd forgotten what to do with people. "So... uhh..." He figuratively stumbled over himself looking for the right words to say. Failing at that he literally stumbled over himself making his way back to the kitchen. Already been accused of being shitfaced, what's a bit more. "What happened now?" He leans back out of the fridge shaking a bottle at Eridan offering it to him. He figured not, but it was at least polite to offer. There was soda in the fridge too if his new guest would prefer that. He tried to hide a hiccup in vain.

Eridan shook his head at the beer and thought for a moment about how to phrase things without sounding like a complete douche canoe. "I was studyin for finals or whatever and I was gettin frustrated because a masters degree is fuckin hard. And you know how I get when I feel that stuck." He gave an apologetic glance in karkats direction because who else was he gonna say sorry to? "I kept...... I kept whinin that it was too hard an unfair an I just.... couldn't do it anymore... Kan an Vris quite on me before I even got the whole story out..... Fef listened for a while before she said she "just couldn't listen to this anymore." An then she left too...... " he sighed "I know im over reactin..... I just can't help it..... I start spinnin and spinnin till I forget what I was even yellin about to begin with..."

Karkat frowned. Admittedly, he knew exactly how eridan felt. He grabbed a cola for his friend and plopped down next to him with a heavy grunt. "Yeah. I know. You're mouth is like nascar tires sometimes. It just keeps spinning and never gets anywhere." Terrible terrible joke. Then again, he was probably far past the point of being witty. He handed the soda to Eridan, actually placing it in his hand and turned back to his own beverage. Downed half of it and stares forward out the windows to the darkened street. "Anyway.... I guess all I can really say is I'm sorry and I know how you feel." Karkat finished off the rest of the bottle in one go and leaned his elbows forward on his knees. Playing with the bottle he tried to find the words he didn't have. He did know how Eridan felt. He'd known for 2 years. "You know, it's ok to need people to talk to sometimes. Don't mean anything's wrong with you." The usual pedantic grammar gone to the wind at this point, but the cancer no longer cared about keeping up appearances. Hopefully He'd be too shitfaced through all this to even remember it. Suddenly he felt really, really guilty. Burying his head in his hands he let out a mumbled "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you there.... I thought you'd be ok." Regret was welling up. More liquor, drown it. He looked around for a moment to procure the whiskey he'd been drowning in earlier. "Uh... excuse me, I'll be right back." After retreating to his room he plops back down with the bottle. He tries to derail the conversation, but the thoughts are already borrowing through his mind.

"I can’t blame you for runnin. Place was a shit hole. Not sure how any of us managed to survive high school." Eridan popped his coke open and took a sip or two. "Yeah... It's ok to talk to people sometimes but I feel like I run them ragged. I know I shouldn't but I guess I put my own frustrations before their feelins. It's not like I even ask them if they have the time to listen to me I just start yellin an they have to deal with it. I wish they could tell me somethin an I could leave it at that but..... It just never seems good enough..... Nothin ever feels good enough....." This went from polite to depressing real fast but it didn't seem awkward or wrong. It felt natural. Like this was just normal for them. This quiet apathy or rather the opposite. It's not that they didn't care. It's that they cared so much it just wasn't worth it. This little pity party they knew they were throwing for themselves was just the way things were and that felt ok.

Karkat frowned staring into the bottom of an empty bottle of whiskey. Gone already? "Do you ever wonder if any of it will ever be enough?" He joined the glum piss party. "I mean, fuck me, even when I thought I had everything, part of me knew it wouldn't be forever." His countenance fell further as he dropped the empty bottle off the side of the couch and sank back, remembering that he had had everything and lost it to what he had convinced himself was his own existence. The very person that he was had ruined everything. The long pause was interrupted by another apology. A pathetic squeaky apology. "I'm so sorry." It applied to this situation, but mostly he was just apologizing for existing. Fuck, work faster booze. He tried to fend off tears of a lifetime of regrets, with little luck. There has to be more somewhere. Wordless karkat got back to his feet, staggering momentarily before stumbling back into his kitchen.

Kar c'mon," Eridan grabbed his shoulder before he stumbled any further. "I think you've had enough." He calmly guided the cancer back to the couch. Mostly Because he wasn't sure where karkats room was. He sat down and simply pulled the shorter man down on top of him in a lazy cuddly hug. It would have been weird if it hadn't happened a million times before in much worse circumstances too, this was just what happened because sometimes all you need is someone around. Making sure karkat was comfortable where he was lying, Eridan mumbled softly. "Y'know it's ok to cry."

It started with a soft whimper. No. No no. No no no. This wasn't supposed to happen. Fuck none of it was. Lamentation took its shape in the form of two fists balled up into Eridans shirt. Sharp shaky breaths where the only sound the cancer made. Still trying to fight off the ocean of emotions he'd been stuffing down for the last two empty years. No. Come on. What shitty sort of friend offers help and ends up sobbing like a 3 year old? Not that thoughts like this helped at all. Useless pointless burden of a friend. Karkat tried to hold his breath as he hurried his face into Eridan's sweater. The real reasons for these quiet tears still banging at the inside of his head. He couldn't let them out. "I'm sorry," he repeated over and over, ever so quietly. To himself. To Eridan. To the world, the universe even. Regret. A feeling only amplified by liquid poison. More reasons to write himself off as an idiot.

Eridan ran his fingers through karkats hair softly. It was the kind of thing he knew he wanted too but would never dare ask for. He knew Karkat was 10 times worse at letting people know when he needed something. "You don't have to be sorry about anythin." He said quietly. It was sort of odd how dominant he became when somebody else needed more help than he did. There was a part of him that wanted to make sure everyone was happy and everyone was safe. Of course he couldn't make everyone happy and everything perfect and that's probably where he ran into his spiraling troubles. But when things like this happened, When there was something he /could/ do everything else disappeared. He wasn't important anymore. He was only there to help. Karkat could have asked for anything and Eridan would have done it without a second thought. Strange how caring about someone could make you /want/ to work yourself dead just so they would smile.

The dam broke. Little snivels gave way to tortured sobbing as the question eridan had been wondering from the beginning was answered. Why had karkat left so abruptly? "I'm so sorry!" He blurted out between sobs. "I.... I couldn't stay." Still trying in vain to regain some composure "Everything reminded me of her. I couldn't.... I can't. I don't..... Why?" It was like he was begging for an answer not even the world could give him. The question felt heavier than the words themselves. And then eridan got his answer. "She left me for him!! My best fucking friend! Why?" There was one more sob before the sloppy mess that was currently karkat sat up quickly. He swallowed hard and his stomach made a grotesque sound. Whether it be from excess booze or excess emotion didn't really matter. "I'm going to be sick.." he managed before leaning over the opposite side of the couch where he'd learned to habitually keep a trash can. This wasn't the first time he'd made himself sick over this, just the first time someone else was there to witness it.

So that was why. All the bitter messages, avoiding people the weird amount of time Gamzee and Terezi had been hanging around each other. Even Eridan could admit leaving someone for their best friend without so much as a "I think we should see other people" was a dick move. He never liked terezi to begin with so there was no reason not to be on karkats side. It truly was heartbreaking though. Especially when someone works themselves up so much they puke. Eridan had been there a few times And he hadn't even been drinking. The aquarius shifted himself so Karkat didn't have to move too far away from the trash can in case he felt sick again. He pulled the cancer back down to his chest rubbing Karkats back calm and slow."It wasn't your fault."

"Then why?!!" He broke down again blubbering something about ruining everyone's lives. Suddenly he shot back up, there was that noise in the pit of his stomach again. He bolted back for the rubbish bin. Wretched sound after wretched sound until there was nothing left to give. After heaving until nothing was left but the dry taste in the back of his throat, karkat sat back again and fought with his oversized sweatshirt. his nonchalant reaction to puking every last ounce of liquid out of his stomach could only prove this was a common occurrence. He sprawled his arms across the back of the couch and leaned his head back, concentrating on catching his breath. Perhaps the only thing that eridan may have found more disturbing was the fact that the perpetually slightly overweight troll must have dropped a good 40 lbs since they'd last seen each other. He looked tired, more so than before..... worn out even. He just flicked a hand toward the kitchen and eyed eridan breathing heavy. "....water...." 

Eridan jumped to his feet like he had been waiting for such a command. He brought back a glass of ice water and placed it in karkats hand before sitting back down and brushing the hair out of karkats face. After a while Eridan answered "I don't know why. But whatever the reason it wasn't anythin you did I can tell you that. Ter never gave me any good vibes. It wasn't you. I promise." Eridan had no place to promise anything about a situation he knew so little about but he knew that anybody that was this broken couldn't have been the one thing that destroyed everything else.

The cool water did it's best to calm the fire in Karkat’s throat as he quickly swallowed it down. Breathe. Heavy, slow, counted breaths. His eyes were closed tight, head resting on the back of the couch again. Stuff it back down. Fight it. It's amazing how quickly emptying your insides can sober you up. "It doesn't matter." He forced it all back down. Idiot, why did you do that. He ran a hand over his face again before dropping the glass on the end table next to the couch. Crash. Missed. Karkats eyes slowly move towards the new mess and he sneers. Mostly at himself. This was turning out to be one giant fuckery of a night. Ok, so maybe he was still more drunk than he was willing to admit, even to himself. "None of it matters. Not anymore." His mind continued to stumble over it though. Eyebrows knitted together in an all too familiar scowl. "Just forget it, ok?" He had to derail himself before it got worse. Part of him wanted it, but what would that do? It's pointless anyway, it doesn't matter. He didn't want to talk anymore. Useless pointless meaningless feelings. He had no right to complain, his problems were his fault, no one else's

Eridan gave Karkat a sad look before picking up the remnants of the cup and throwing them in the trash. He grabbed the towel hanging over the stove handle and mopped up the rest of the water. He didn’t mind doing these things. In fact he rather enjoyed it. It was kind of a strange soothing entranced state. Perhaps he just wanted to be praised for doing a good job, or maybe his royalty complex was just a clever ruse and in all reality he wanted to serve not be served. none of that matter, His only goal at the moment was to get karkat to a better state. Crying wasn’t ideal but he knew the cancers preferred methods of drowning his feelings under layers of anger and self destructive behavior was far worse. “ I can’t.” Eridan sat down again and pulled karkat against him despite the predictable struggle the smaller boy would put up. “I’m not gonna force you to talk about it. I’m just gonna tell you that no matter how many bottles a that shit you drink, it’s not gonna go away.” The aquarius went back to petting Karkats hair. The action was simple but something about it seemed to make the cancer a little less guarded and cagey.

As predicted, Karkat struggled at first. "Stop." He tried to pull away, but Eridan was clearly having none of that. As much as he hated it, he knew his recently re-acquired confidant was right. The struggle was abandoned as he felt the hand on his head. This was familiar, not only because it had happened only a few minutes before, it was an older feeling than that. An involuntary sigh escaped him. It was more or less a sigh of defeat. Karkat's mind wandered even further back. Past the most recent onslaught of their new lives to the events that seemed like they were a completely other life time ago. A very old memory changed through his head, a promise. They had always talked about what would happen if there was ever a time when neither of them had had a partner and what would they do. Still scowling, he picked at Eridan’s scarf, silently wondering why they never went through with that. Maybe things would have been different if they had. "I know..... " finally, a reply. Glancing over at the time warden, Karkat saw how late it was getting and slouched. Surely his friend needed to leave soon. Not wanting to be more of a burden, he put his brave face back on. "You're right. I'm sorry..." he wanted to promise he'd never do it again, but they both knew that was a lie. Some habits are harder to break than others. He sat and let Eridan stroke his hair, just a little while longer, he wished. Karkat didn't even notice his own eyes starting to droop or his mind dulling further. The combination of alcohol and emotional and physical exhaustion were quietly taking their toll now that the initial stress of taking it all on alone was gone. Eridan could probably be secure with leaving him there now alone. Karkat was done with tonight's temper tantrum. He'd likely sleep it off and wake up to wonder if he needed to apologize, but Eridan's words had already made their impact. He could just call the emotionally constipated manchild in the morning and check in. 

But Eridan couldn’t bring himself to leave. He couldn’t just go home when he knew karkat would be left here to his own devices. He trusted the cancer enough not to do anything too stupid but he didn’t want him to feel abandoned. His thoughts started to wander as well, thinking back to some impromptu sleepover brought on by a fight with his dad. That stuff use to happened a lot. Eridan wondered if he slept on karkats floor more than he did in his own bed. Even with the blurry details, one memory was distinct enough he could put words to it. the night they decided that they would be together if the timing was ever right but it never had been. It was a thing you said at 2am as you were falling asleep and pretended to forget the next morning. It was a strange pact to make. If you loved somebody you would think you would just be with them. Thats how its supposed to work right? but it was just always something that existed. Just an unspoken understanding that there was something between them. they just didn’t have the chance to do anything about it. The memories started to fade into dreams as Eridan drifted off himself. The apartment fell quiet with only the sound of shallow breaths and the ticking of the clock to prove that life existed here. They would wake up eventually. They probably wouldn’t talk about it. They would most likely part ways, go home and wonder about where they would be if they had been together like they planned all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> an old RP I had with a friend. There was an alternate ending where Eridan did leave but I dont know what happened in it because it never got written.


End file.
